| Hoopty Quotes |
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| Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin |
| Theres not a nigger in the world that can stop water from going where it wants to. So I got on a tractor and left town. Richard Pryor |
| I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening gown, sober. Ozzy Osbourne |
| oK! Lil John |
| This is ignorant! Take me off of here! Michael Baker |
| I have 19 children, all under 11! Shirley Q Liquor |
| I'm watching the news... Tupac Shakur was assassinated, Biggie Smalls was assassinated. Struck down by assassin's bullets... no they wasn't. Martin Luther King was assassinated, Malcolm X was assassinated, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Them other two niggas got shot! Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie, but school will be open on your birthdays. Chris Rock |
| If your 52 years old and have a gold hoop earring, you'd better be a fucking pirate. Denis Leary |
| It happens.....“And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.” Lewis Black |
| I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. The irony of this really fucked me up! Mitch Hedburg |
| The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. Jon Stewart |
| You can fix a lot of stuff, but you cant fix stupid. Stupid is forever. Ron White |
| A Good Friend Is Someone Who Will Bail You out of Jail, A Great Friend Will be Sitting next to you Saying ''Damn, We Fucked Up"! Katt Williams |
| 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. Steven Wright |
| If I Was that Butt Fucking Ugly I would Try to Minimize it By Not Looking Directly at Folks! Calamity Jane |
| I Rarely Wear Underwear But When I Do, Its Usually Something Exotic, Thats Why Chicks Dig Me! Bill Murry |
| They Climbing in Your Windows Snatching Your People Up, Tryen da Rapem, So You Needta Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife, and Hide Your Husband, Cuz They Be Raping Everybody Out Here! Antoine Dodson |
| Whoever side "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my ass with the last sheet of toilet paper. Will Ferrell |