Southern Hoopty

Southern Hoopty.com

The Hoopty:
Basically, a piece of shit car. Usually cheap, broken down or a perfectly good car that has been
ruined or Marlowed beyond belief. Can be any size, make or model, but must or should be
embarrassing to drive by normal people for some reason. Such as when you bump the stereo all the
plastic "effects" you have hot-glued to the exterior rattle, instantly betraying the cheapness
of your bling.

A hoopty can be anything from a '78 Cadillac Brogham with the panels missing in front of the brake
lights, but replaced with duct tape, to a fine puke green brand new Hyundai Elantra with spinner
hubcaps and a vanity plate that reads BBY GRL, or any Cutlass Supreme.

These automobiles, which are most likely older than it's owner, but not old enough to be an
eye-catching classic. Are seen sporting either a very dull paint job and Psoriasis-like rust spots with
rims that are worth more than the car. To a new car with some unnatural puke color and enough
ground effects to stabilize a three legged cat. With do-it-yourself tints and more bubbles than a
freshly opened champaign bottle, the hoopty owner is a shade tree Michael Angelo working in
black velvet.

Usually they have stupid shit like a fully installed racing drivers seat with five point seat belt system,
while the other seats are left stock and most likely broken or torn, and 5" plastic, or for more well-off
hoopty drivers, aluminium rims bought at a local Wal-Mart with low profile 5'' tires. Sporting a rice
burner class muffler which belches out a large jet ski or weed-eater like sound, possibly so that the
driver can attract the attention of blind chicks who otherwise can't be disguised by the hideousness
of this vehicle. The hoopty owner/driver thinks he is in the most tizite ride in the world.

Send your Hoopty pics to Submit A PIC @ Southernhoopty

You might be in a Hoopty if:

You have your dick size in millimeters advertised on the side of your car.

The blue book value of your ride changes with the amount of gas in the tank.

You own the car, but owe some speed shop a shit load of money for rims.

You might be in a Hoopty if:

A wild animal claims your ride as part of its natural habitat.
A shopping cart doubles as a wrecker.
You buy parts from Home Depot.

You might be in a Hoopty if:

Your car looks like its been in a horrific accident, on purpose.

You might be in a Hoopty if:

Mexicans laugh their asses off when you drive by.

You might be in a Hoopty if:

Your ride doubles as a church.